Mo Rocca Quotations

No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.

I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that.

Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore?

When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both funny in that ruthless, kind of mean way.

Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

A young imagination is bold, likes to make bigger leaps. It likes to, well, imagine that the dustbuster is a dinosaur; that the computer mouse is a hotrod; that the box is a cave; that the rawhide is a torch... or a baton... or something.

I don't think everyone should vote. If you have to be dragged into the polls, carried into the polls and smelling salts have to be used, you probably shouldn't be voting. However, we shouldn't be putting up barriers to voting that target certain groups.

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down.

Something that came as a shock to me is that we do not have a constitutional right to vote. And that's not just a fun little historical factoid. It actually has huge ramifications. It's the reason our system is so decentralized - in other words, chaotic.

While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk.

I can't be everything to everyone. Send me your specs.

Did I end up finding a little blue pill to cure America's electoral dysfunction? Unfortunately, it's not that simple.

It addresses a life-long concern, the risk of someone ruining your game. I just don't want you, 50 years down the road, to have your game killed by some guy with a shinier walker.

It has been difficult on my family -- my 8-year-old daughter, Sally. You know how vicious second-graders can be about the Daily News TV column.

I think that Michael Jackson needs to be judged on the content of his character, not on the bleached mocha latte light color of his skin.

I think I've always sort of been conflicted and on the edge of something. I don't think I could do what I do if I wasn't on the edge.

It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world.

Once I started working for 'The Daily Show,' then real news shows wanted me.

I'm going to try to start a floor fight.

In comparison with a lot of her film acting, it's a lot more lifelike, a lot less stiff.

Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out.

George W. Bush and Al Gore are doing foreign-language tv ads. Two men who say very little in English are now saying absolutely nothing in Spanish.

Look, not embracing the 'Today' show is soooo yesterday.

Homemade sweaters are always itchy.

I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

Wheel of Fortune was an important SAT prep for me.

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day.

As the great philosopher George Santayana would have said, 'those who cannot remember the past . . . should simply read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.' Van Meter's greatest hits collection of slogans is the catchiest ever retelling of American history. It's like the greatest minds of Madison Avenue sat down to write a history book. They don't make sound bites like they used to!

I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira.

I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around.

I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked.

If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her.

Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears.

Irony is the disparity between what you expect will happen, and what does happen. So raining on your wedding day isn't ironic, it's just crappy. It would have been ironic if she had lived in a place like Seattle, and traveled to the desert of Mexico for a wedding and it ended up raining there, but not in Seattle. Alanis always gets the last laugh though. We all sit here, saying her song isn't ironic, but in fact, that's pretty ironic that she wrote a song called Ironic that wasn't really ironic. Those Canadians are pretty crafty.

If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press.