Fred Allen Quotations | Page 2

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' and I said 'I don't feel good.' And tears - uncontrollable tears - was coming out of my eyes. And she said, 'What's the matter?' And I said 'I just thought about that execution I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved with.' And what it was something triggered within and it just - everybody - all of these executions all of a sudden sprung forward.