Harry Hill Quotations

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

They keep saying they don?t have the money because they?re giving it to the charters. They?d have to spend it on the kids anyhow. The kids in both charter schools are Chester kids.

It was one of those years when God bent over and kissed California.