Joy Maniscalco Quotations

No one should ever feel bad about themselves when the hot guy talks to the ugly girl instead. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you looked like a certified 20 and your cleavage was noteworthy. Don't go home and cry because, "no one even looked at you". I've solved this disturbing puzzle and here's the bottom line- She was drunk, he was horny. She was easy, and he'll just hit it from the back so he doesn't have to look at her ugly face.

Being comfortable with someone doesn't necessarily mean they feel some deep rooted connection with you, sometimes it just means they're too lazy to impress you any longer than they feel necessary

I don't believe chivalry is dead, but I believe it's on the cusp. Listen, no one is expecting Frank Sinatra on their date. I'd probably laugh if a guy threw his coat on the floor for me, but there's no reason a guy shouldn't have common courtesy and respect for the woman he's interested in.

Don't be anyone's side dish. If you're in this kind of situation and I'm offending you that's just too bad, because you need to hear it. Reality Check- A man doesn't want a side of broccoli when he has a giant steak in front of him. FYI- You're not the steak.

I think nostalgia takes over when we think about people we once loved, and we tend to pick out all of the good parts. I could very easily sit here and say I still think about the one that got away, but the truth of the matter is that he didn't get away, he walked away...and I'm the girl he walked away from.

We have a choice...we can either rally up every miserable, single person in the city and have a giant pitty party, or we can put on our big-girl pants and celebrate singleness.

Some day you'll have someone worth holding on to... Someone who won't ever want to let you go...Someone who won't make you wonder if they were the one who got away, because that someone will be right there beside you, thanking the other someone who let you get away.

Excuse me, but whatever you're drinking, I'll take a double, because clearly you've entered another dimension if you're talking to this troll!

If a guy tells you he no longer wants to be with you, but he still calls at odd hours of the night to ""hang out"", don't take that as a sign that he's still interested in you. The only thing he's interested in, is what's in between your thighs.

When you do find love--real love, it's the most wonderful, awful feeling in the world. There's nothing like it. Love can make you feel invincible and vulnerable all at the same time. You're trusting someone with the most precious part of you...your heart