Nancy Cartwright Quotations

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.

The fundamental laws of physics do not describe true facts about reality. Rendered as descriptions of facts, they are false; amended to be true, they lose their explanatory force.

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

I don't use the voice of Bart when I'm making love to my husband, but Marge's voice turns him on a little.

I will not get very far with this attitude

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

Since September 11, security has been increased everywhere, and we have new IDs to get on to the Fox lot. I drove to the security gate, but realized I'd left my ID in my other car. I just broke into that voice - 'Hey, man, I'm Bart Simpson. Who else sounds like this?' The guard waved me through.

What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things

There are plenty of businesses like show business

Life is a paradox, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

No one cares what my definition of "is" is

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

I am through with working. Working is for chumps.

I have neither been there nor done that

I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

I will not strut around like I own the place

I will not say ""Springfield"" just to get applause

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

The President did it' is not an excuse

What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?

Cross you heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in your eye. Jam a dagger in your thigh. Eat a horse manure pie!

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

No one wants to hear from my armpits

A fire drill does not demand a fire

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

The boys room is not a water park

Dad, thanks to TV, I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago. No, really, it's a serious problem. Ha, ha, ha! What're we laughing about?

Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story

They are laughing at me, not with me

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.

All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.