Nick Swardson Quotations

Most sketch aficionados have an enormous amount of respect for 'Mr. Show.' I didn't have HBO back then, so I was always trying to find episodes. Bob Odenkirk and David Cross became celebrities, and Jay Johnston - who's lesser known, but brilliant - deserves a lot of credit, too.

If you want to be a comedian, go out. Do a week in Des Moines, Iowa. Try to make those people laugh.

I always thought that the fastest way for me to get ahead and get noticed and to do well was to make my act very accessible. When I first started, I talked about family stuff, my dog, my cat. It was all I knew back then; I wasn't forcing anything, but I wasn't like, 'Hey, don't you hate doing homework?'

When you live the life of a comedian, it's such a state of arrested development. I can't deal with anything very maturely. I'm still really bad at paying bills or doing anything that would be considered semi-adult. I'm really bad at it. It's weird I can create and run a TV show, but I can't pay my phone bill.

Improv kind of goes hand in hand with what I do. I was on 'Reno 911!' for six years, and that was a completely improvised show.

For me, honestly, one of the first movies I did I was always pounding coffee, and I crashed so horribly. So I've kind of weaned myself off. You keep getting second and third winds. But for me, I've stopped doing energy drinks or any kind of stimulant. I just kind of go natural.

I started in the club route. I did the alternative scene later on. When I lived in New York, I did the Luna Lounge and stuff, where Janeane Garofalo and David Cross and all those guys worked out of, but I came from a comedy club background. I'm proud of that background. I'm one of the people that really crossed over and did both.

I'm developing more stuff in my voice, more Nick Swardson. It's me as myself in a sense and kind of in my voice, no accent no affectation. I'm growing into my own persona.

Improv plays such a huge role in finding great lines - you'll be surprised at what comes out of your mind inadvertently. A lot of times it's better than a script you've worked out ahead of time.

Comedy is so subjective, you know what I mean? To sit there and technically pick it apart is so stupid.

No one will ever be as good as Phil Hartman. He was such an amazing genius, and may be the best sketch performer of all time.

It's rare that I've read a script where I'm like, "Oh, my god, it's hilarious!" All you want is a good skeleton and good characters. Then, you can go, "Okay, I can bring a lot to this. I can improvise and I can create something out of this."

I always write and create. I'm never not creating. I'm always creating a show, every year, whether it gets picked up or not. I always sell a pilot or an idea. I like to be in control.

Once you realize you can make people laugh, it's a superpower. When you're really young, you don't know how to use that power, so I would just say the meanest things I could to get a laugh. I was so awful. I would make fun of kids who didn't deserve to get made fun of. I was just mean, when I was really young. You don't realize that you don't have to be mean to be funny. But, it was something that I was just able to grow into.

I was always pretty good at adapting to my situations. My act was never that inside, where it was like, "Okay, they're either going to get this or they're not."

I was always pretty broad. I've had a couple bad experiences. One time, I showed up late for a gig in Brooklyn at an Italian restaurant. I ran on stage, did my show, and then some guy in the audience threatened to kill me because he didn't like my joke. Instead of talking to him, I just ran off stage. And then, because I was late, the owner of the restaurant threatened to kill me. And I was 19 years old and so scared that I almost started crying. But, I've done every gig you can imagine, in every state.

[Being a good comedian] is a skill, but it's also a weird thing that only certain people can do. I always equate it to surgeons and how they can just cut people open and operate. Certain people are just wired differently, and I feel like comics are the same way.

The key to comedy is commitment - if you're afraid, you shouldn't be a comedian.

I have no problem doing gay stuff, I really don't care.

It's hard to give someone advice when you're an institution. I don't really put a lot of pressure on it - I'm just open to doing stuff that's challenging.

I would eventually like to write and star in my own stuff. I think I have a good comedic sense, so I'd like to follow that road. I don't know what the future holds, but whatever I do, I'll commit.

Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.