Paul Lynde Quotations

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.

I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.

An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing.

The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.

I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.

I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.

Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables,for that matter.

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer...what?Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhausted

I`m used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I`d make a terrible husband anyway.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn't been neglected.

Women are my best friends, my best audience. If I look out from the stage and see a lot of men, I know I'm in trouble

I'm Liberace without a piano.

I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags-it makes the other guests uncomfortable.

Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?