Samantha Bee Quotations

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada.

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.

A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

I learn something in the interviews from time to time.

I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are.

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

It doesn't always click for people or they don't know the show - which I can't imagine - but there are people out there who don't.

The one thing I can do that makes me appropriate for this job is that I am able to keep a straight face under almost any circumstances.

More people need to inhabit this world.

I want to go to someone's world. I'll buy it if the world is full of zombies - I'll live there if you give me a strong enough vision of what that world looks like.

As a viewer myself, I tend to gravitate toward projects that have a really strong voice of a strong creator.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I want to get a gold star. And I know that there are places that I need to go in order to get the story right. I'd rather do it right than have to do it twice.

I don't read anything about myself.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

You've got to have gumption. You've got to be willing to stand up on the stage for no money for ten years.

It's fun to be surrounded by people that you love.

I'm good at asking other people questions, but I'm not really good at answering questions.

President Trump - God forbid - the country will be okay, I promise. I don't know exactly what the country will look like, but we will survive it.

I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

I don't feel like any of the things we're talking about are going to make the world end.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

I was brought up to question things, but I was always a really quiet and shy child.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

Nobody wants to have things blurted at them.

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

It's very Canadian of me - or maybe it's more the Catholic schoolgirl in me - but I always really want to do a good job.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.