Robert Pattinson Funny Quotations

I have been called Taylor Lautner a few time which I'm quite happy about. You only have to look at us to see how funny that is but it's nice to pretend I might be hiding a Taylor six-pack under my shirt.

Obviously, the best dressed awards is very relevant, I'm best dressed at all times.(smiles)

I had to do two roles in two days, I'm in a hairflux.

Xavier would be such a great burger. He's all covered in spread...

The person who proclaimed me Best Dressed Man never saw me in my sport outfit.

There was one rumor that I saw in a magazine saying I was pregnant. I thought that was brilliant and it still crops up now. But it's definitely not true. I can promise you that.

I wonder if vampire's eyebrows can grow back.

I'm really scary in reality. Most of the time.

I would have taught her a les­son she wouldn't forget!

Peter also uses his wig as a cereal bowl... He'll some times have some, like, Top Ramen in it.

So I know where my feet are.

Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially with sculpted eyebrows.

This is quite difficult 'cause I have a really flat head, and so it's quite difficult to get a correct angle. And you can't go up from down below as well, 'cause I've got, like, rock solid gelled hair. And so, like, it was odd. I don't know, sometimes I feel like my head is being, like, turned inside out. Like that episode of Ren & Stimpy when he's inside his own belly button. I don't know.

Peter [Facinelli] would be so good at doing that. I want him to do the Beyoncé biopic.

In this scene, I'm talking about how much I don't like cookies.... I'm sayin', 'Listen, guys. Have you read the book? We're not supposed to be eating.'

People would be in hysterics if they saw that. It's like, wow, he's a superhuman moron.... So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant, and does little circus acts as well. Oh, he's so sexy.

Girls, you know it's all just a game to them, relationships. Just go around stomping on everyone.... I mean, look at this poor guy in the background with his collar up. You know he's just gonna get ruined by women.

Now listen, guuuyyysss! Come on guys. Let's all, come on, let's be simple about this.

My whole head is like I've had a face lift.

This is a good look. I'm gonna mess him up," Pattinson praises Stewart. "And I'm just like, I don't know what's going on? Where am I? I just walked out of a flower bed in this scene as well.... I was standing in the flower bed and then walked out of it and then stopped and looked confused.... If I didn't have contact lenses on, that was a really spectacular look I just did.... I should have had million thoughts, like Hamlet.

I thought I was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene

I'd love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I'd love it.

I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.'

Sometimes I think I look like I've had facial reconstructive surgery. Like after burns.

What's it like kissing Taylor Lautner.

I look a bit like him.

The special effects team designed everything, which basically allowed me to stand on a green box and look and stay relatively expressionless and all these machines did the acting for me. Just the way I like it (laughs)

I actually think being involved in the cesarean would be... I just can't wait!

Never trust a guy who plucks his eyebrows.

I had pecs for about two days. Everyone would hate me. Just look at me walking around with my little peacoat on. My little customized pea coat.

I've got such effeminate hands. I could never be strong. Whenever I even got to a save, my fingers would just bend back and the ball would hit me in the face.

Umm thanks for the phone. I think I already broke it...