Spike Milligan Funny Quotations

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.