Anthony Jeselnik Sex Quotations

I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.