Anthony Jeselnik Way Quotations

Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were upset.

I'm a realist all the way. I'm too cynical to be an optimist. But I've lived too much of a charmed life so far to ever be a pessimist.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.