I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well...we looked at the receipts."
I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.