Daniel Tosh Girl Quotations

I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.

Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"

Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.

Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.

Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.