Dave Barry Witty Quotations

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.