Doug Stanhope Baby Quotations

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.