Fred Allen Men Quotations

Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.