Groucho Marx Sarcastic Quotations

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.