Jeff Foxworthy Thinking Quotations

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'