Jerry Seinfeld Hilarious Quotations

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?