Jimmy Carr Sex Quotations

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other...

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"