Jon Stewart News Quotations

If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.

The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.

Our show is obviously at a disadvantage with any of the other news shows we're competing against. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility, we are ... well, oddly enough we're about even.

On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.