Jon Stewart Sound Quotations

[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.

Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?

Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.