Karl Pilkington Funny Quotations

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

I came up with a good idea....see-through skin.

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.