Karl Pilkington Ifs Quotations

If you can't do it, don't do it.

If you haven't got eyes, you shouldn't have wings

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.

You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge.

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?

If you are living the dream, how do you know if you are asleep or awake?

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good

If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep