There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.
It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.
People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.
I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.
I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.
Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.
I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.
I don't like people cleaning my room.
I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.
I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.
Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.
Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.
I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!
No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.
People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.
Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.