Mark Twain Religious Quotations

Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.

There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.

...and last but not least, reflecting my feelings on proofreading...excuse any pages on my websites that have misspelled words or grammatical errors...I'm not a proofreader of any great merit.

Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

Men are more compassionate/(nobler)/magnanimous/generous than God; for men forgive their dead, but God does not.

In America-as elsewhere-free speech is confined to the dead.

Our Congresses consist of Christians. In their private life they are true to every obligation of honor; yet in every session they violate them all, and do it without shame. Because honor to party is above honor to themselves.

If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.

Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion

I have never seen what to me seemed an atom of proof that there is a future life. And yet-I am inclined to expect one.

We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact; the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.

Irrevence is another person's disrespect to your god; there isn't any word that tells what your disrespect to his god is.

That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters.

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have been better for us-oh infinitely better for us-if the serpent had been forbidden

Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him; has passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.