Milton Berle Valentine Quotations

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.