Milton Berle Years Quotations

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list