Nick Offerman Life Changing Quotations

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.

Shut your damn mouth.

No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply that you do.

Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.

The world is split into two halves: the bacon, and the bacon eaters.

I'm opposed to a lot of the time that we as a civilization have come to spend looking at screens. For my money, life is much delicious damn near everyplace but inside that screen.

Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.