Oscar Wilde Funny Quotations

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

All art is quite useless.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

I can resist everything except temptation.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

True friends stab you in the front.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

The English country gentleman galloping after the fox – the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much... ...Monogamy ? It's the same.

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

Genius is born-not paid

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.

The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

Only the shallow know themselves.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.