A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
I like high school and college writing textbooks and find them very helpful. Whenever I'm stuck and seem to have no ideas, I open one up and turn to the back. There I'll find questions like, "Have you had any experiences with an alcoholic or a sailor?"
College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking..
Your education never stops and college is just the beginning. You come out of college with a huge advantage in that you've ideally and more times than not you've come out with a love of learning and that's what matters above all.
I didn't really escape that gravity until I moved 300 miles south to go to college at 18, where authorship no longer seemed something liable to induce vengeful punishment.
We essentially spent our college years together [with Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg], so those were the kind of lasting friendships and the bond you form during those years, and those friendships last a really long time.
A year after I started college, I had no clue what I wanted to do. My mother said, forget everything else-if it were your birthday today, what would you do? I thought, I would play with makeup at the department store. So she said, do that!
I guess I'll retire someday if I live that long.
Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.
After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that.