Comedian Quotations | Page 4

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

I wasn't the good looking guy, I wasn't the hot chick, I wasn't the fat guy, I didn't have a catchphrase, I didn't wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.

I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.

Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.

For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

Theater people say you are either a comedian or a tragedian, and I'm a tragedian. And the vexing, dark characters, the ones where I don't understand their pain or their anguish, they are the characters that appeal to me.

We had always insisted on working with actors because they do what they're told. You can make actors play the character exactly as you want him, expressing opinions on politics, religion, all aspects of society. No comedian would do that for fear of alienating their following. Actors brush off criticism by attributing offending mannerisms or material to the role. Besides, comedians argue about the laughs.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the limbo of yesteryear's happy hours. All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

I do feel good doing them [family-friendly movies], but it's not going to be my way of life. I'm a comedian.

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.

I believe that any type of education can be great, but an education about ourselves can create something wonderful. I am a comedian, but people have called me a motivational speaker. I don't really consider myself that at all.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Like the burlesque comedian, I am abnormally fond of that precision which creates movement.

Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.

I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I'm equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I'm at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.

I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.

A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny.

I don't believe in burning holy books, but I am organizing a protest. I'll be burning all my Dennis Miller VHS cassettes as a special protest. I don't want to hear the introduction 'you may have seen our next comedian on the Hannity show'.

Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.

I know a lot about Jewish comedians.

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

I don't mind being accused of being a bad comedian and I don't even mind being accused of being a bad talk-show host, but I never want to be accused of being an arrogant, pompous showbiz asshole.

I often think it can often be very difficult for comedians to revisit the same gag. I think Russell's a bit more than a comedian.

Comedians, such as yourself, Jon Stewart and others, are a valuable supplement, and here's why: Good journalism at its best frequently speaks truth to power. What's happened with journalists - again, I don't except myself from this criticism - in some ways we've lost our guts. We need a spine transplant. What's happened is comedians, in their own way, speak truth to power and fill that vacuum that we in journalism have too often left, particularly post 9/11.

Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

Comedians and Feminists are natural enemies. Because stereotypically speaking, feminists can't take a joke and comedians can't take criticism.

I love comedians. They're my community.

You can't call Ronnie Barker a comedian - he was an actor and a great writer.

When you mimic everyone, sometimes authority figures really don't appreciate it which is not an original story. And pretty much every comedian has some tale of that.

I've probably wanted to be a rapper since I was a teenager. I was an actor and comedian and stuff, but I always wanted to rap, it was another outlet.

Sometimes people say I'm a political comedian, which, actually I'm not. I'm a comedian who sometimes discusses politics, culture - again, the word 'politics' to me is just life.

Adam was looking for a comedian to do a 7 o'clock show. Two years ago, I was up for a 10 o'clock show at another hotel, but I didn't want a 10 o'clock show. It isn't my crowd and I didn't think it would work.

No matter how big a comedian gets, they're ultimately all just a bunch of nerds with their weird insecurities. You realize these are just the people in high school who were making people laugh.

Anthony is a very funny comedian whose engaging wit and personality have made him a favorite with audiences. We're delighted to have him host the show when it returns to NBC this summer.

a real professional - a natural comedian and a pleasure to work with.

Any of Bette Midler's concerts should be required viewing for every actor/performer. She has the audience in the palm of her hands at all times and can switch emotions on a dime: Great singer, great actress, great comedian - fearless.

Ambiguity around ambiguity is forgivable in an unpublished poet and expected of an arts student on the pull: for a professional comedian demoting himself to the role of 'thinker', with stadiums full of young people hanging on his every word, it won't really do.

a bloody good comedian and a lovely man.

A comedian knows how to twist a phrase and make a face and fall over a chair or whatever they have to do to get that laugh, that's what they know how to do. That's what Chris Rock does in voiceover.

It's equally my obligation as a comedian to point out what is wrong with us and get us talking about our problems as it is pointing out what's wrong (with) the way, for example, the government is treating us.

It's amazing for me to watch. He was a little introverted before, but now he talks to everybody. He's quite a character. If he doesn't make it in golf, I think he's going to be a comedian or actor.

Oh, I get it, ... Canadian humour. I remember one night years ago, Ed Sprague and I went to a Yuk-Yuk's. The comedian starts out: 'So this guy from Saskatchewan and Manitoba walk into a bar ... We had zero points of reference.

I'm a comedian who happens to be Muslim; my comedy stems on all forms of my identity.

I'm a comedian in real life. I always goof around; I'm out-going; and I talk with everybody, especially through Twitter these days!

I live in South Africa. I'm proud to live there. I've always said I want to be a comedian from South Africa in the world. I will stay in places for a bit here and there and pop into New York for a while, maybe stay in London for a year, but my home will always be South Africa. I enjoy it too much.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason.

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

If I've inadvertently become some sort of role model for failed comedians, then it's really backfired very badly on me.

I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.

I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

A lot of comedians are selfish.

I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.

I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at 'SNL,' I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you're going to end up at.

By the age of 13, I knew I wanted to be a comedian like Morecambe and Wise. So, obviously, I thought I'd better start practising my interviews for Parkinson. Don't look shocked - I wasn't the only teenager to imagine that. Though I may have been the only one to have chosen T'Pau as my walk-on music.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

Comedians on the stage are invariably suicidal when they get home.

And I'm up while the dawn is breaking, even though my heart is aching. I should be drinking a toast to absent friends instead of these comedians.

I'm not a comedian. I don't do stand-up. I don't tell jokes. I'm a comedic actor, and approach my work that way. The comedy comes through the character.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home.

A lot of the comedians nowadays just do comedy as a stepping stone. Take for example Dane Cook. The guy is huge. The main reason he got into it is to do what he is doing now: film and television work.

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

So I kept it to myself. Then some of my classmates started to come down to the comedy club, taking a girl out, and they started finding out I was a stand-up comedian.

A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can't prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I'm not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I'm still like a psychologist (except I can't diagnose or treat mental illness).

Magicians are definitely more arrogant. They're kind of like "Abra Kadabra, you're an idiot," they don't let you in on the joke. Comedians, you're always in on the joke unless it's Andy Kaufman.

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay."

I am a comedian and I started in stand-up when I was 22.

Sometimes you watch comedians and feel like they're jerking off in front of you, but they want you to see how big it is.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.

I don't have any delusions. I'm not a novelist - I'm a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it's pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.

For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?