Jokes Quotations | Page 2

I could never sit down and write jokes.

My first job on the radio was writing jokes for a Baltimore DJ called Johnny Walker, who was sort of a '70s era shock jock who all the teenage boys listened to in my school.

Sometimes when I try to make jokes or have a sense of humor in interviews, it doesn't go over very well. But Twitter made my life easier in this way that I didn't expect. It would have taken probably 10 times as long for people to accept my voice and my sense of humor if I didn't have Twitter.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

My last vivid boyhood fright from books came when I was 15; I was visiting my uncle and aunt in Greenwich, and, emboldened by my success with 'The Waste Land,' I opened their copy of 'Ulysses.' The whiff of death off those remorseless, closely written pages overpowered me. So: back to soluble mysteries, and jokes that were not cosmic.

The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.

Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn't have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive.

Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke.

I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made 'em up myself.

We are a generation of women that has listened to the much louder voices of parents, teachers, employers, husbands and children while our own voices were small or muffled or totally ignored. Aging Out Loud gives us permission to not only listen to that voice but heed its warnings, laugh at its jokes and follow its directions, without guilt and without looking back.

Ultimately, jokes are this really special thing that we can all share. It's exciting to have basically a thousand people in a room together that can laugh at the same time, but I think of it almost as, like, a religious experience.

These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.

I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.

You can't just yell jokes at people.

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.

Really, I'm pretty laid-back, always cracking jokes.

A joke a day keeps the gloom away!

You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.

When everyone jokes about (taking chances), there's a little bit of truth to it, ... Hopefully people have learned from what happened (at Sonoma).

There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see.

We were trying to make a movie that was funny, but also trying to be smart about being funny. We just wanted to make people laugh,. If you want to make a comedy you just don't want to hit people in the groin for two hours, even though that's really funny too. We wanted our jokes to have a little weight to them.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

We joke around a lot with our ballclub.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else...

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

When you're an older woman [in a movie], you are the brunt of the joke.

There are more jokes about losers than there are books about losers. The most common volumes you see written about them are the bumper stickers during the next administration: Don't blame me; I voted for the loser.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you don't like if you went to a restaurant, you would either try another dish or you just don't go back to that restaurant. But you don't say like, "I did not like the hamburger here. This restaurant should be shut down. It should be banned from making hamburgers. No one else should have these hamburgers." And everyone else is like, "No, you wouldn't do that."

There are things that I won't joke about, but it's not because I don't think they're funny or they can't be made funny. It's just that they don't fit my particular skill set.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.

I'm not much of a joke writer.

The joke that you laid in the bed that was me.

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.

Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong.

Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it.

We're similar in the dynamics of our character, our cultural roots, our focus on family and our personalities. We both love to laugh. We make jokes all the time. We both work very, very hard, but we love and maintain an atmosphere of fun.

Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male can do these days.

Losses bother me. Jokes do not. The losses were tough.

She was definitely more calm today from the first tee. Just making jokes and laughing and having fun. I wish she would have done that yesterday.

(S)ex scenes and bathroom jokes are my bread and butter.

On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have.

Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the same jokes in a different order and then have a little prayer that I won't be met by silence.

She knows it's a show about the business world and she jokes that no one's ever gonna hire her now. But she's actually pretty tough.

She jokes around with you and listens to your ideas.

Most of the work, the jokes and the observations and the smaller narrative episodes, come with the actual writing rather than with the preparation.

My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English.

More than men, women are enthusiastic online communicators, and they use e-mail in a more robust way. Women are more likely than men to use e-mail to write to friends and family about a variety of topics: sharing news and worries, planning events, forwarding jokes and funny stories. Women are more likely to feel satisfied with the role e-mail plays in their lives, especially when it comes to nurturing their relationships. And women include a wider range of topics and activities in their personal e-mails.

My favorite moments are the moments everyone cries over. I see people in the audience crying, and I go, 'I did that, too. I don't just do the jokes. I also do the cries.' Jokes and cries, jokes and cries. That's all I'm here for, people.

Ricky is pretty laid back, but he cracks jokes and stuff when we're in meetings,

On Friday, when I came in, we were doing jokes about being able to get out. Then it just started getting worse and worse and worse.

One thing I would say is real cops have real gallows senses of humor and make incredibly funny and inappropriate jokes in the presence of dead people all the time.

One of the marvelous things about Churchill is that whatever he was doing, whether fighting or arguing or despairing or bouncing about full of energy, jokes are never far away.

One of the jokes is there's nothing quite as scary as a nasty beaver. Maybe it'll intimidate the other team. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh.

I don't know what Texas is all about. We kinda make jokes about it, like being run out of town. But we're brave enough to face it.

I have a problem with telling jokes about physics. Quite often the audience have no idea what you are talking about and, to be honest, I don't know what I'm talking about either.

Great pickup, great guy, great team player. He's a great human being, a great acquisition to the team and our offensive line. He's a quiet guy, but once you get around him and get to know him, you see he jokes a little bit. Most of the time, he just goes about his business.

frank sexual discussions and tell colorful jokes and stories (and even make expressive gestures) as part of the creative process.

I don't think of my songs as sad songs. I think of them as vulnerable and honest. I crack jokes in between songs, so people don't leave feeling too dark.

He had a lively way of living and enjoyed every moment. He made touring fun. There was never a dull moment, with jokes and a lot of laughs.

He loved teaching, whether it was football or academically. He was always laughing and telling jokes but he still got his point across. Clayton was one of the first coaches who tried to make in fun and he saw the wisdom in that.

He came out immaculately attired in a well-dressed street suit and he tap-danced, ... As he danced, he told little jokes in between. He was so clean in his language and was lacking in any drawl, he just inspired me. I wanted to do that.

Here, he jokes with his teammates on the field. He yells encouragement, willingly accepts the spotlight. At times in interviews, his voice is hoarse from all the chatter.

Hasty Pudding is no small potatoes (sorry to mix the food references), known for its famous alumni and much-hyped annual awards ceremonies. One year Mel Gibson recited Hamlet and escaped from a straitjacket. Tom Cruise has strutted in a bra and stilettos. This year Sarah Jessica Parker gets the prize. A recent ... episode was about money woes. I wonder if there will be any jokes about dough this time!

He's a character. In practice he's cracking jokes all the time to get us going. When we're going in practice, if somebody fouls him he'll exaggerate it and make all kinds of noise. It's just simple stuff like that that makes us laugh. He's a big, great guy.

Going in first off as a freshman into regular high school is really tough, because people already make fun of you. Going in as an actor is even harder... the worst thing that could have happened, because you get so many jokes about it. I don't know, girls are really, really catty at this age.

His personality leans to some 'off-color' type of jokes and some people find him funny and amusing to be around and some people take offense. I doubt he will change who he is and nor should he. ... He has kids and now he has to explain why his sense of humor has cost him.

He's doing good, still cracking jokes at us. He's got a great spirit about it. He's planning on coming back full strength. It's just a matter of time, and we're all here behind him.

There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take.

He was such a vivid character. And it was a character he made up - this slightly ghoulish, heavy-set man who made up jokes on his TV series.

He jokes around -- when he looks up, he sees The Big Head. When he sees The Big Head, he reads where I'm going.

Kids are constantly playing jokes on parents, and parents are thinking, 'If I could just get them back.' It's fantasy fulfillment for adults. We target it toward adults, but kids will want to watch, too.

I think it's already getting a lot of publicity. People (who) said before they made jokes about curling now have some respect for it. To get into the spirit of the Olympics, to see it ... , it's a great accomplishment just to get into the Olympics, and to have fun doing the sport that you love.

I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes.

I think writers have become hypnotised by the number of jokes on the page at the expense of character.

I think the thing that makes this show entertaining is that we don't pander at all. We don't assume the audience is stupid, and we're not trying to trick them with anything fancy. We're just trying to tell decent stories, deliver the best jokes we know how. And we're not trying to dazzle them with B.S.

I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the way that we make jokes about death - you should be able to make jokes about everything.

I suppose I'm going on stage and making jokes about the fact that the audience are expecting the show to be about something and that they might learn something.

People make jokes about making lemonade. I actually like lemons. These are my first lemons in five months,

Spring Training is just a fun time. I really don't know how to explain it. Everyone's got new jokes and everyone is having fun with each other. You get to have your cake and eat it, too. You get to have a life. During the regular season, you don't because it's all day long -- baseball is at the end of the day. But here it's at the beginning of the day and then, with me, I'm going to go out and play golf every day for the next six weeks.

My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of bad jokes - but so do I. I tell a lot of bad jokes.

Locally, you can never go wrong with Don Gavin. I can recite Don Gavin's act word for word, and it never grows old or tired for me. I have been very guilty of using his jokes in casual conversation . . . but it's made me very popular.

I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My mouth sort of developed over time.

I think he's qualified. He's a great guy. Just being on the defensive side and how he comes down and adapts to the players and messes around with them and jokes around with them, I think he'll be a great coach.

Jokes are so personal, and they bring us together in so many ways.

Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do.

Is everything a joke to you?” I asked. He dabbed his tongue to his lip again. “Not everything.” “Like what?” “You.

Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government.

I wasn't always the most fashionable, and I would come to school with cauliflower ear and ringworm. I got made fun of a lot. People called me 'Miss Man' and 'Guns,' and people directed a lot of karate jokes at me. I wish that I was at school now that MMA and martial arts is cool, but back when I was in school, people associated it with nerdy stuff.

Where Walter was irascible and funny and mean and challenging, Jack was just always laughing at Walter's jokes and being sweet and lovable,

Tiger was cracking jokes and relating some locker room stories. He also imitated a few players.

When I first started working, it was a little bit like that. They said, "Come be a writer, but we'll find a place for you to perform somehow." Initially, I wasn't that helpful as a writer. Because, if you tell me what the bit is, I can come up with jokes for it. I can write dialogue, but what they needed was guys who could say, Okay, it's a machine where you put in a piece of fruit and pull on this lever and out comes a celebrity joke.