Andy Dick Quotations

I was a bad boy as a child.

You cannot be this successful without having God on your side.

I have a spiritual advisor I call up, when I just feel lost. Lately, I've been talking to God. I developed this dialogue in rehab, this dialogue with God, and every day I talk to God.

I had no blood relatives till I made some.

My parents just neglected me, I wasn't abused or anything.

I definitely know that I play the part, however big or small, in the deaths of at least two people, Chris Farley and Phil Hartmann.

The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

Guilt is a weird thing to me. I don't have a lot of it.

When I was a kid, I was afraid of other kids.

We're spending the money the district approved four years ago. I have not enough fields and too many teams,

The only issue is there is not a big group of officials available early in the day. I think all schools would like to try to go to afternoon games at some point, but with the availability of officials, it probably won't happen.

I don't even remember what I did in that movie, because I did it so long ago, ... I think I'm a crazy bunny ... or a lizard. Maybe even a beaver. I don't know. With those animated movies, you do the voice and then three years later, you finally see your character and you're like, 'Oh yeah, I forgot I even did that.'

It felt good because they've murdered us for the last two years.

I know what you wanted to say, Do you think that electrocution rewired your brain to make you the retard that you are? You can say it, lady.

I used to steal a lot. But I don't do that anymore, because I believe in karma.

I know its corny, but laughter is a two-way gift, and hearing people laugh just warms me through and through.

He very nearly stole a scene in my movie, and I didn't call him on it because I was just like, Hey, I saw some stuff on SuperDeluxe and how many different films do you have on there? And he goes, This one, this one, Comedy by Numbers and this one and one called 'Bob Pitches a Movie.' And I'm like, Oh! And then I was thinking he would say, which is very similar to the one to the one I did in your movie, but he never did. I just let it go. I don't care.

I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism.

I believed in God my whole life.

I believed in God my whole life, and then strayed away from it in my teen-age years, until recently.

People love to hate. I have a love-hate relationship with the world. The world loves to hate me.

I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.

Before I was known, I would go on stage and pretend I was other people. Once I pretended I was mentally handicapped. It was really wrong. One time I was a bad magician. And one time I pretended I was a Christian comic.

I have a very dark sense of humor.

I never really worked with Chris Farley, I hung out with him, but I had plans, I had big plans, movies, and I was in no hurry.

I'm really ultra-affected by things, I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am.

There are atheists and Christians, and there are people in both groups who are a little too heavy-handed.

I grew up Presbyterian, just a basic Protestant upbringing. There were years in my life when I would go to church every Sunday and to Sunday school. Then I just phased out of it.

I went to network on a handful of pilots, and going to network is the most stressful situation anybody can ever be in. You're supposed to be on point, you're supposed to be at the top of your game, the funniest you can be, in about five minutes, in front of people wearing suits who really don't care, and they've probably already picked their person, but they have to see a handful just to satisfy the process. It's the most horrible, horrible process known to man. I wouldn't want anybody to go through it.

Straight people say, 'You know you're just gay,' and gay people say, 'You know you're just gay.' There is such a thing as bisexual!

Yes, I direct commercials as well. I get these really weird offers and then I have to bid on them and win the job. One offer that I have now, and I've already done this last year for the same company, is for Cash Value Cheese, this cheese out in the midwest. I did two spots for them last year and I'm going to probably do three this year. I also did some for the Utah Transit Authority, which was weird and interesting and they turned out really funny - they actually won an award.

Weather's not an issue when you have that kind of field.

Weather is always going to be a problem. It's probably an athletic director's worst nightmare. You set schedules in stone a year before and hope everything goes well.

Now I try to make efforts, you know, I'm just, the best effort I can do is just stay sober myself. I can at least do that.

You're paired with a pro, but it's two different divisions, ... There's a pro division and an amateur division. You're just on the pro's boat.

The best advice he ever gave me was to keep it real, keep it simple, ... He was a big believer in not having to spell every joke out. You shouldn't have to explain it.

It's being edited as we speak. I think it might come out in the winter,

The new movie I'm working on right now is very autobiographical. It's about a television actor who drinks too much and gets blackballed from the industry, and then he decides to break back in by directing his own movie,

At times it was difficult, funny, cathartic and also very easy to make because, you know, I just know the subject matter really well.

I'm really ultra-affected by things... I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am.

I never really worked with Chris Farley, I hung out with him, but I had plans... I had big plans... movies... and I was in no hurry.

In the front of the boat, you look at it as you have basically two things you have to do,

Hoodwinked: The True Story of Red Riding Hood

I don't like my body, it's oddly-proportioned. I'd like to be, like, dumpy.

An artificial field would be a godsend to some schools.