Bryan Callen Quotations

Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!

Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.

Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.

My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.

If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.

Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.

I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.

Being in quite a few movies... there's always things that are changing about a film.

Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

I don't know much, but I like talking to people who know a lot more than I do.

One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.

If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.

Its always a shock to me when I get recognized.

My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.

You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.

As an actor, you're never busy enough.

My parents were really nice to me.

There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.

I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.