Daniel Handler Quotations

You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.

I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do.

I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.

The expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as 'nobody can do anything

I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so don't expect me back until dinnertime. Stephano, Gustav's replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today. Your giddy uncle, Monty

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.

Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.

There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.