Doug Larson Quotations

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur

If someone had asked me after the eruption what it would have looked like after 25 years, I would never have guessed it would have been like this.

The fact that the independent panel wasn't given the document shows how damaging this really was. It shows the department knew about this long before the problems arose publicly.

In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.

Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.

Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.

The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.

They should have picked a different city to name after a man who reputedly never told a lie.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

Achieving it is not only the chief means of adding to your regular duties.

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.

Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

The trouble with the last snowfall of the season is that you can't be sure.

The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

A perfect example of the power of prayer is when a blizzard closes the schools on the day of a big exam.

It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.

A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

This whole trip was organized in a very short time -- only three days. But we have a number of folks joining us from around the state ... This seems to be a problem everywhere.

The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice

Even before the eruption it was about 45 feet.

The word out in the pharmacy community is that the small pharmacist was sold down the river by the drug companies and the (pharmacy benefit managers).

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management

It took only 50 years for movies to go from silent to unspeakable.

Arriving 15 minutes early does nothing but guarantee a 30-minute wait