George S. Kaufman Quotations

Satire is what closes on Saturday night.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

I've never had any complaints yet!

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars."

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus!

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.