Kevin Bleyer Quotations

Republicans, say Democrats, are too simplistic about what ails America, and their solutions are straight out of 'J.A.G.'

Diplomats willing to sit for an interview usually prefer the terra firma of CNN over the whoopee cushion of Comedy Central.

'The Sopranos' only reflected the tenor of how things are done in New Jersey. They didn't invent it. And I say that as a fan of both 'The Sopranos' and New Jersey.

To research my book 'Me the People' - in which I have rewritten the entire Constitution of the United States - I flew to Greece, the birthplace of democracy. I bused to Philly, the home of independence. I even, if you can believe it, read the Constitution of the United States.

To be sure, the hard-to-come-by interview - the 'get' - isn't an uncommon phenomenon here at 'The Daily Show.' We've had high-profile dignitaries, low-profile indignitaries, stars you've heard of, authors you should have read.

Never mind what makes Canada's constitution so special. Probably something to do with hockey, or the inalienable right to poutine, or securing the blessings of Rick Moranis.

Laws made in Alaska, which is known for its lawlessness, are as valid as laws made in Pennsylvania, which invented laws.

Am I the only one who can't seem to reconcile the grand canyon of cognitive dissonance I feel when people with much more important jobs than I have manage to score much lengthier times off?

Sports exact too harsh a toll on our beautiful women. Like engendered species, they should be protected, and instead, we exploit them and demand they fly too close to the sun for our amusement. We send them into the arena for an exhausting three-setter, an 18-hole playoff, a 200th lap. The burnout factor is insurmountable.

The Constitution's Preamble, its renowned introductory passage, was written by a man with a peg-leg. Which, if you think about it, gives our Constitution hardly a leg to stand on.