Mason Cooleywas an American aphorist known for his witty aphorisms. One of these such aphorisms Cooley developed was "The time I kill is killing me."... (wikipedia)
Consensus is usually made possible by vague language and shallow commitments.
I obey my own commands about as often as others do.
Insecurity is not just a state of mind.
The self-righteous feel no need to be charming, and thus double their offensiveness.
A sense of righteousness is even more dangerous than a violent temper.
The self-righteous rule out the possibility that they are what has gone wrong.
Change is upsetting. Repetition is tedious. Three cheers for variation!
Complainers detest each other.
Supermarkets depict abundance; boutiques exclusiveness; roadside stands authenticity.
I want to appear ordinary, but I have it understood that I am not.
If you are going to be rude, be quick about it.
We understand through resemblance.
Antagonistic cooperation is the principle of all markets and many marriages.
Swindlers are notoriously gullible.
Denial of one appetite sharpens the others.
Since events are not metaphors, the literal-minded have a certain advantage in dealing with them.
An event is not over until everyone is tired of talking about it.
Age: I go slower as time goes faster.
The negative always wins at last, but I like it none the better for that.
The banker rubs his nose, thinking of his cat stalking something on the lawn.
Boredom is the only sure cure for neurosis.
A neurotic can neither enjoy his illusions nor give them up.
The neuroses parody the virtues.
My ambition in life: to become successful enough to resume my career as a neurasthenic.
I am forbidden sugar, fat, and alcohol. So hooray, I guess, for oatmeal, lemon juice, and chicken soup.
Until I am ready to lose weight, I cannot see how fat I am.
I alternate between reading cook books and reading diet books.
Inconsistency has been overpraised by people who do not expect to suffer from it.
Discontented women dream of being rescued by Prince Charming. Discontented men dream of finding a horny blond in the back seat ofa taxi.
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen: even less, the trouble I've successfully avoided.
Our troubles keep us going.
More are weakened than strengthened by their troubles.
The rich are never as possessed by their riches as the poor are by their poverty.
The rich feel full of merit.
The rich are happier than we are, and should be.
Paradox likes contradictions with exits.
Paradox implies that stating a contradiction disposes of it.
Successful innovations become conventions.
I change my opinions often, but not my way of thinking.
Holding unconventional opinions makes people feel they have strong characters.
Vulgarity is innocent; urbanity is not.
Sophistication knows the score, but is powerless to change it.
Something is sticking out its tongue at me from the corner of my mirror.
Good manners protect the privileged, but leave the unprivileged more vulnerable.
The novelty we want is always close to the familiar.
The sun cares nothing for illumination.
Many who take up burdens come to resent being put upon.
Lies and promises are necessary but not sufficient.
Leisure unmasks our weaknesses.
Weakness is a better teacher than strength. Weakness must learn to understand the obstacles that strength brushes aside.
I deplore my shortcomings, but plan to keep them.
Helplessness is a mighty power.
Many have never felt strong, but everyone knows what it is to feel weak.
To win hearts, smile kindly on people's weaknesses.
Curiosity engenders both science and scandal.
Curiosity is an asset mostly frittered away.
I am interested in a hundred things, but only slightly.
After Voltaire: envy is chained to the portico of the temple of glory and can neither enter nor leave.
Envy awakens at the sound of a distant laugh.
A beautiful woman peers out her window, as full of envy as the harridan who peers up at her from the street.
Not even self-love can always be counted on for support.
When courtesy fails, be nasty, brutish, and short.
Whether I give to a beggar or not, his existence puts me in the wrong.
Never trust the judgment of an enthusiastic man; never trust the promises of a lazy one.
Couples who come to understand one another often part.
The philosophy of hedonism means little to lovers of pleasure. They have no inclination to read philosophy, or to write it.
The depressed fall back exhausted from every undertaking.
The sheen of ocean gleams on the blue fish-plate.
My struggles with myself seldom reach aerobic level.
A sympathetic look always makes me feel sorry for myself.
Babies and the old are permitted self-absorption. In between, it provokes resentment.
Self-congratulation pleases only the speaker.
Altruism is for those who cannot endure their desires.
The lazy manage to keep up with the earth's rotation just as well as the industrious.
To avoid doing anything, wait for the right circumstances.
Comedy distances pain, but leaves signs of it everywhere.
Comedy is hostile to profundity, and brings everything to the surface.
Always assume that a lucky hit will not be repeated.
My aspiration now is to get by luck what I could not get by merit.
Most bad luck is the misfortune of not being an exception.
Enough is ever-receding.
The lover as baby is a less troubling idea than the baby as lover.
Disillusionment is not truth.
No one could be the way I remember my father.
I answered my father's demands for sympathy with silence.
Self-pity makes people callous.
Self-pity dries up our sympathy for others.
Smooth white skin invites something that will leave a trace, a kiss or a slap.
What is Providence for you may be Nemesis for me.
Everyone fears and courts his own demon.
Perversity depends on reversal and substitution.
Every perversion has survived many tests of its capabilities.
The psychiatrist's office: the only place I can be sure my story will be treated as sad, but interesting.
Drunks conjure an endless drama from their bottles.
Alcohol postpones anxiety, then multiplies it.
For some, bottles of liquor gleam like the towers of Eldorado.
Illusions are hazardous, and so are disillusions.
Theory now: concern for truth must not hobble our discussion.
The beginning sets the rules.
The eros of advertising is lurid but not specific.