Natasha Leggero Quotations

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.

Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

There's something grounded about 'Ugly Americans,' so I think it's good that I'm playing a version of myself in these elevated cartoon circumstances.

Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.

I always wanted so much glamour in my life, so I have always been obsessed with class, and from dating a few people who were from old money and a few from new money in my 20s, I just sort of became obsessed with this idea of clueless rich people.

There are some die-hard 'Chelsea Lately' fans, and that's where the majority of my fans come from. Chelsea is really helping make comedy audiences hipper and edgier.

Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.

I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.

I was very lucky when I started doing comedy because I hadn't seen much stand-up. I just got up on stage and did it without thinking.

Doing TV is great, but TV is for starring on, not for watching.

I'm not 'one of the guys.' I don't want to pretend to be one on stage. I'm not going to dress like a guy or carry myself like one.

If you look at NBC, two of their most successful shows - '30 Rock' and 'Parks And Rec' - are written by women, produced by women, and I think that's the future. Women are the new men.

I have friends who say, 'You just can't understand what it's like to be a mother until you're a mother.'

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

I don't think I ever wore pants on 'Reno 911!' and I was on it about five times.

I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.

I was raised Catholic in Rockford, Illinois. But I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Oh God, no.

The chasm between rich and poor is becoming larger, and I think it's interesting terrain to talk about and expose.

You can always tell an actor by the bored look in their eye whenever someone else is talking.

Coming from the Midwest, I didn't know about stand-up as an art. I just thought stand-up comedians were old men in suits talking about their wives.

My comedy isn't about being attractive - it's about how the bar of dumb seems so low right now, and I desperately want to raise the bar of dumb just a tiny bit.

When I was 23, I moved to Australia to be with this 43-year-old con artist I fell in love with.

What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.

Anything you can do to get more people to come to your live shows is good, because that's where you can really do what you do. Everyone's on the same page, and you don't have to win strangers over as much.

The corporations are shoving just the worst music down everybody's throats, and I think the result of that is that nobody has any taste. They have no bar as to what is good.

In L.A., you tend to see a lot of people do very bizarre things. I love it.

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

There are different types of art, and you just have to follow where things take you. It helps me with my desire to perform live. That's something that a lot of actors and actresses don't get to experience on a regular basis.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

In general, comedians are attracted to vice.

In L.A., you tend to see a lot of people do very bizarre things. I love it.

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

It's a human instinct to be known.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

Lovin this Ghost Ghirls! It was great to get to play a madame not just a boring prostitute.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing — is there anything you can do?