Scott Ostler Quotations

John Daly played a practice round Tuesday, ... and a couple of the par-threes are so short that Daly didn't have time to smoke an entire cigarette.

Play it straight, come out with the simple truth: He was abducted by space aliens, taken aboard their flying saucer and subjected to various probes.

I won't say Pete Rose is desperate to get into a hall of fame, but I saw him renting a chicken suit.

Did you hear that Miller is in trouble again? He got pulled over because he wasn't weaving.

A despondent Crazy Crab tried to commit suicide by strolling through Fisherman's Wharf with a bottle of Tabasco sauce in his claw.

The University of North Dakota has been ordered to ditch its nickname, the Fighting Sioux. The school says it wants to keep the nickname, so it will fight 'n' sue.

It was a terrible night for Raider fans, who battled a monumental traffic snarl to get into the parking lot, the traffic flow possibly handled by FEMA.

If ( Phil Mickelson ) puts on 10 more pounds and gets paired with John Daly , ... they'll walk the fairways single-file.

He plays poker by night and golf by day.