Stan Laurelwas an English comic actor, writer, and film director, most famous for his role in the comedy duo Laurel and Hardy. He appeared with his comedy partner Oliver Hardy in 107 short films, feature films, and cameo roles... (wikipedia)
Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again.
If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.
What business do we have telling people who to vote for? They probably know more about it than we do.
A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly.
I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with Charles Chaplin.
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead
I feel like dying when I'm helpless