My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.