Roseanne Barr Men Quotations

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!

Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.

A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either?

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.

I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.

No government in the Middle East is innocent. Wars make the stock market go up, so no one in America is innocent either, nor anyone anywhere where capitalism reigns.

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut.

You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.

Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.

Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who can't teach gym become experts. That's who we look to for answers these days-the people telling you how to make your marriage work. Men telling women how to raise their self-esteem. The only thing that cures everything is talking to people who have the same problem you do. The rest is just a moneymaking bullshit scheme that some asshole is getting rich on.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

I'm tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world.