Steve Coogan Funny Quotations

In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve.

I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.

Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these.

All those people who go around saying Life begins at forty, they're notable by their absence. The nerve.

I woke with a start. At first I assumed I'd trumped myself awake again.

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.

Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.

It's arguably the best newspaper in the world.

That was liquid football

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.

You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!

If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.

A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.

Actually the best thing I did was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot.

I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.