Steven Wright Baby Quotations

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

I took a baby shower.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.