Grieving is like being ill. You think the entire world revolves around you and it doesn't.
Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it.
Pretending to be 'normal' is a lot harder than you think.
I think you'd best make your peace with the past since you've come this far. I think you know by now that you won't go back again.
I caution writers all the time to slow down and pay more attention to the work in front of them than to the end result. I don't think you write one book and get anywhere. I think you write five books and then maybe you are finally on the right path.
Dream big but think small.