W. C. Fields Food Quotations

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.